Editor’s Note: This is the worst thing I’ve ever seen and I can’t believe such poor writing got into a newspaper (even a student newspaper). I don’t know why I include it.
By Tony Mathews
CNC Free Press — March 1, 1994
Well, I thought it was time I inflicted my opinions on you, boys and girls. Spring is here, and so are some hot new releases in the music industry. And thanks to The Tuning Point, at Spruceland, I’ve been able to review some of these new albums, on my brand new CD player. (I was the last person in the free world to get one.) I have my own special rating system, starting like this:
♪ = makes a handy frisbee
♪♪ = slightly more pleasant than meeting Lorena Bobbitt in a dark alley
♪♪♪ = worth your hard earned $$$, if you got it on sale
♪♪♪♪ = oh joy! a real good listen! More exciting than the Kerrigan-Harding thing!
♪♪♪♪♪ = BETTER THAN SEX!!! This album’s a keeper!
TOM PETTY & THE HEARTBREAKERS – Greatest hits (MCA 1993)
I’ve always hated Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, and I now know why. His voice is annoying, and his band sucks, to put it mildly. The music (what he claims is music) is repetitive and nauseating. Argh! Some songs on this album of greatest hits I’ve hated forever, and never even known it was Tom Petty. I’m still struck with the question “Why?” Why waste money on a bunch of crappy songs that have already been released, and throw them onto a greatest hits album. Then again, if these are his greatest hits, I don’t even want to think what the other stuff sounds like. If you haven’t clued into the fact that I think this album is crap, maybe my rating of ♪ will give you a hint.